Sigh. No Manning, no Flyyn, no Smith.... and after allowing their starting quarterback of the past three years to run off to join the Jacksonville Jaguars, the Dolphins -- who at this point should rename themselves the Miami Desperations -- have signed David Garrard to a one-year deal. This is the same David Garrad who was unceremoniously cut by the Jaguars before the 2011 season then refused to sign with the Dolphins mid-way through the 2011 season either because the Dolphins wouldn't offer him enough money (Garrard's version of the story) or because he wasn't interested in playing professional football anymore (the Dolphins version of the story). In any event, the Dolphins and Jaguars have now essentially traded unwanted quarterbacks Henne and Garrard. Hooray?

This obvious mismanagement by the Dolphins is drawing fire from past players, who are publicly criticizing team General Manager Jeff Ireland. NFL.com reports players calling Ireland untrustworthy and disrespectful. The League's media arm also reminds us that Ireland asked much-hyped potential draft pick Dez Bryant if his mother was a prostitute in 2010 and tried to hire Jim Harbaugh as Head Coach without first firing Tony Sparano in 2011. We have a name for guys like Ireland, and that name isn't "winner."

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The ink is barely dry on the 2010 NFL season, and the 2011 still doesn't even have any players. That's not stopping NFL.com from giving us a metric by which to determine which fantasy players to draft for next season. Based on opponent passing defenses in 2010, Michael Fabiano, the "Fantasy Editor" for NFL.com, predicts that Chad Henne will have the opportunity to post the second best year of all NFL quarterbacks 2011, at least so far as fantasy scoring goes.

I don't typically note this sort of bullshit, but I'm committing this to the blog so that when Henne (or Pennington or whatever loser is the Dolphins starting QB in 2011, if there even is a 2011 season) starts making opposing defenses look like the '85 Bears, I'll be able to look back and giggle through my tears. It doesn't matter how bad the opposing defense is when our offense is worse. I look forward to the complaints from the fantasy owners duped into selecting Chad Henne in 2011. Poor suckers.

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If you're been around awhile, you may have read one of my many rants against Chad Pennington here before. (Need a refresher? Look Here.) Well, it finally looks like the Dolphins will be rid of Mr. Noodle Arm forever.

After a tumultuous week in which Pennington (drafted in 2000), who signed a one-year contract to be a backup quarterback with the Dolphins in March for $2.5 million, was named the starting quarterback over Chad Henne (drafted in 2008), Pennington was injured in Sunday's game versus the Titans. After attempting a 5-yard pass. On the very first play from scrimmage. In his throwing shoulder. The same shoulder that ended his season in 2004. And 2005. And 2009.

So with any luck, we're through with the quarterback who lost his ability to throw more than 20 yards down field sometime before Chad Henne even entered college. But don't fear for Pennington: since his injury was on the first offensive play of the game, it triggered a contract rider paying him $3.25 million more. So Pennington will be paid $5.75 million for the two snaps he played this season, or $2,875,000.00 per snap. Ugh.

But wait, it gets worse! Later in the same game that claimed Chad Pennington, Chad Henne was struck down with a knee injury that may keep him on the sidelines for weeks! The Dolphins have somehow angered the football gods!

With only two days until tomorrow night's game against the Chicago Bears, the Dolphins are now scrambling for quarterbacks. Yesterday the Dolphins signed Patrick Ramsey, 2002 first-round pick mega-failure for the Washington Redskins. After years of under-performing, Ramsey was traded from the Redskins to the Jets in March 2006, where he failed to beat two-time shoulder injury survivor Chad Pennington for the starting job and was cut. Never one to say "die," Ramsey has played for the Broncos, Titans, Lions, Saints, and Jaguars while waiting for his opportunity to finally replace Pennington.

Bonus trivia: Ramsey will be the third of the first four quarterbacks drafted in the 2002 NFL Draft to play for the Dolphins. The only stand-out in that elite group is mega-failure David Carr, currently the third-string quarterback for the 49ers. The first to sign with Miami was mega-failure Joey Harrington in 2008. The Dolphins have also previously signed Josh McCown, the fourth quarterback taken in 2002, who was cut from the team to make room for... Chad Pennington. Note that prior to Ramsey, the Dolphins considered signing J.T. O'Sullivan as a potential Pennington replacement, but since he was taken relatively late -- sixth-round -- in the 2002 Draft, he was presumably not a big enough failure to sign. The only other quarterback taken in the 2002 Draft still active is David Garrard, who has been the starting quarterback for the Jacksonville Jaguars since 2007, and is the only QB from 2002 who can't be considered a failure.

Rumor has it that we worked out Oakland Raiders' mega-mega-failure JaMarcus Russell earlier in the week. Russell (drafted in 2007) was run out of Oakland on a rail earlier this season after three years where he was paid $5,586,000 million for each of the 7 games that he won during that time. That sounds like a quarterback that the Dolphins' management should be considering.

Meanwhile, I suspect that somewhere, minor-failure quarterback Pat White, the Dolphins' second-round pick in 2009 who was cut from the team in September after being paid nearly $2.4 million for only one year of play, is very disappointed with his agent.

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